This little life lesson is one of the toughest I've ever had the privilege of tackling. After 40+ years, I'm still tested with this and I started early with my kids in hopes that they would get it way quicker than myself. It is rougher than most because it challenges us constantly and changes all the time.
I cannot recall where I heard it, or when I heard it, but believe me; when it settled upon my ears it was one of those "aha" moments. One where you sit up and say to yourself, "Oh my! How completely profound!" And then look around hoping no one saw you talking to yourself!
The statement (and pardon the pronouns) went something like this:
Just because he doesn't love you the way you want him to; doesn't mean he doesn't love you with everything he is.
Now, and I speak for myself, there are days when I wish my husband would bring me flowers, tell me the house looks great, tuck my hair behind my ear, and plant one of those "there's more coming later" types of kisses on me. That happens about once every 22 years! But . . . that doesn't mean that the usual "What's burning? Did you vacuum the pool? We're having that for dinner?" doesn't carry with it the weight of his entire heart. I am certain that his affections underscore each and every word. I cannot force his actions, but I believe with all my heart that he loves me with every ounce of his being. And know that, on occasion, he pulls the proverbial rug out from under me with lines like, "You have sexy toes," (the day after giving birth to Deanna) or "You have the skin of a 19 year old." (On my 45th birthday.) Those days . . . I stand in awe!
To be loved by another person is such a gift. Don't try to manipulate it. Accept it for all that it is, in whatever form it may come. I cannot ask hubby to quote poetry, but sometimes the words that spill from his mouth put Angelou to shame. I cannot ask for horsedrawn carriages and rose petal carpets, but there are days when dinner and a night in at my house would certainly make Miss Middleton a little jealous. I cannot force him to expose his heart and his feelings; but when he chooses to open up, it is among the rarest of gifts I have ever received.
Be patient. Be receptive. Don't judge the giver. Accept what's offered. It is beautiful! And it is 100% of him.
As a member of the other gender, I can say that it works the other way as well. Signs of love....sometimes that little special extra scoop of ice cream is as good as anything predictable. Just the fact of someone wanting to spend the rest of their life with you...the greatest love of all.
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